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I forfeited any desire to live.

“…But this was no dream, and, unlike the nightmare, I wasn’t running for my life; I was racing to save something infinitely more precious. My own life meant little to me today. […]
As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late — and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live.”

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